Choosing Health: Reflections on Aging, Loss, and Self-Care

Today, I turn 46 years old.

Birthdays always make me reflective, but this one feels especially meaningful. Over the past few years, I’ve experienced deep loss that changed the way I see life and health. My mom passed away unexpectedly in 2021, just before her 68th birthday. She had struggled with health issues for years and was a long-time smoker. Two months later, my last living grandparent — my grandmother — also passed away. She was 92.

The contrast between their lives struck me deeply. My grandma was strong and independent into her late 80s and early 90s. She walked to the market every day with her cane. She lived on the 7th floor of an apartment without an elevator and still climbed those stairs daily. She embodied resilience. My mom, on the other hand, didn’t get that chance. Losing her was my wake-up call.

And this wasn’t the first. My dad passed away young too — he suffered a heart attack on Christmas morning in 2001, in his early 50s.

So, as I celebrate another birthday today, I’ve made a promise to myself: I want to live differently. I want to honor my parents by taking better care of myself — mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don’t want to follow the same path of preventable decline.

Here are three changes I’ve made in the past few years that have already transformed my quality of life:

---

1. Saying Goodbye to Alcohol

A year and a half ago, I gave up alcohol. At first, it felt like a sacrifice — so much of our culture is wrapped around having a drink. But as time passed, I noticed clearer mornings, fewer mood swings, and more energy. My anxiety became easier to manage, and I simply felt more present. Removing alcohol gave me back a sense of balance and control.

---

2. Getting Stronger with Heavy Weights

I also leaned into strength training — and not just the light workouts. I started lifting heavier, challenging myself in ways I hadn’t before. At 46, building muscle isn’t just about looking fit; it’s about protecting bone health, improving metabolism, and staying strong for decades to come. Every rep is a reminder that I am investing in the future version of me.

---

3. Taking CBD Daily

As many of you know, CBD has been part of my journey for years — it’s what inspired me to start Kota Botanics™. Taking CBD daily continues to be one of the best decisions I’ve made for my mental health. It helps me manage stress, improve sleep, and stay grounded. For me, it’s a simple, natural way to support my body without leaning on harsh medications.

---

What’s Next for Year 46

Change isn’t a one-time decision — it’s a continuous journey. As I step into 46, here are the goals I’ve set for myself this year:

💪 Do 5 full-body pull-ups. Strength and mobility are long-term investments, and I want to keep pushing myself.
✈️ Take a personal trip to Europe or Asia. Travel has always fueled my soul, and I want to carve out time for adventure and perspective.
📱 Use less social media and screen time. I want to be more present — with my family, my community, and myself.

---

A Different Kind of Legacy

My parents’ passing left me with grief, but also with perspective. Longevity doesn’t just happen by chance — it’s the sum of daily choices. My grandma proved that. She lived with vitality well into her 90s, and I want to follow her lead.

So today, on my 46th birthday, I’m choosing self-care — not as an indulgence, but as a necessity. Because I don’t want to just live longer; I want to live better.

To our Kota Botanics™ community: I hope my story reminds you that taking care of yourself is the best investment you can make. Don’t wait for a wake-up call like mine. Prioritize your mental health, your physical strength, and your peace today.

Here’s to health, resilience, and the years ahead. 💚

Weiwei "Vivian" Fellman

Founder & CEO